Mindly Different

Neurodiversity, Memory, and Emotional Regression

For many people, the holidays are not only about lights, food, and togetherness. They are about memory – and memory is never neutral.

You may notice that during holiday gatherings you feel younger than you are. More sensitive. More reactive. More anxious or withdrawn. Emotions you thought you had long outgrown suddenly resurface, often without a clear reason.

This experience is especially common for neurodivergent people – whether neurodivergence is innate or acquired – and it is not a sign of weakness or immaturity. It is a predictable psychological and neurobiological response.

Why the Brain Rewinds During the Holidays

The human brain stores emotional memories differently from factual ones.

While factual memories rely heavily on the hippocampus, emotional memories are deeply encoded in the limbic system – particularly the amygdala. These memories are activated not by logic, but by context: familiar smells, voices, places, roles, and relational dynamics.

Holidays recreate many of the same conditions in which early emotional memories were formed:

• Being in the family home
• Returning to old roles (“the sensitive one”, “the difficult one”, “the quiet one”…)
• Exposure to familiar authority figures
• Heightened social expectations
• Sensory overload

For a neurodivergent nervous system – often more sensitive to sensory, emotional, and relational cues – this can trigger implicit memory activation. You are not remembering the past, your nervous system is reliving it.

Emotional Regression Is a Nervous System State, Not a Choice

Psychology describes emotional regression as a temporary return to earlier emotional patterns under stress. This does not mean you lose your adult capacities. It means that under certain conditions, your nervous system prioritizes safety over maturity.
For neurodivergent individuals, this process can be intensified due to:

• Heightened sensory processing
• Increased emotional reactivity
• Greater reliance on predictability
• Past experiences of misunderstanding or invalidation

Your brain shifts from the prefrontal cortex (responsible for regulation, perspective, and inhibition) toward limbic dominance. This shift reduces emotional filtering and increases vulnerability.
In simple terms: your system is saying, “I need safety, not performance”.

Why Neurodivergent People Feel This More Strongly

Neurodivergent brains often process emotional and social information with greater depth and intensity. During holidays, this means:

• More emotional data to process
• Less recovery time
• Higher cognitive and sensory load
• Stronger activation of old relational patterns

Additionally, many neurodivergent people have spent years masking – adjusting their behavior to fit expectations. Holidays often demand more masking, not less, while offering fewer exits and less control.
This combination makes emotional regression not only understandable, but expected.

What Emotional Regression Can Look Like

You might notice:

• Strong emotional reactions that surprise you
• Feeling small, invisible, or overly responsible
• Irritability or sudden sadness
• A desire to withdraw or escape
• Difficulty asserting boundaries
• A sense of losing emotional control

As I always repeat, these responses are not character flaws. They are signals from a nervous system under load.

What Actually Helps

1. Normalize the Experience

Understanding that emotional regression is a nervous system response – not a personal failure – reduces shame. Shame itself intensifies limbic activation.

2. Name the State

Silently labeling what’s happening (“This feels like an old emotional pattern”) engages the prefrontal cortex and restores some regulation.

3. Reduce Sensory Input Where Possible

Lowering sensory load reduces overall nervous system stress:

• Step outside
• Sit in a quieter room
• Use noise-canceling headphones
• Reduce visual clutter

4. Shorten Exposure Instead of Enduring It

Psychologically, shorter, intentional interactions are far less stressful than prolonged exposure. You are allowed to leave early, arrive late, or skip events.

5. Prepare Emotional Exit Plans

Knowing how you’ll regulate if emotions rise – stepping away, grounding exercises, texting your coach or a trusted person – creates a sense of safety before stress occurs.

6. Avoid Forcing Emotional Performance

You are not required to appear joyful, relaxed, or grateful to justify your presence. Emotional authenticity is protective for mental health.

7. Offer Yourself Aftercare

Regression often fades after the stressor passes, but emotional processing continues. Plan quiet time, warmth, familiar food, and rest afterward.

A Final Thought

When old emotions rise during the holidays, it does not mean you are moving backward. It means your nervous system is responding to familiar cues with honesty and precision.
With understanding, boundaries, and compassion, these moments can become less overwhelming – and even informative.

Your emotions are not betraying you.
They are telling a story your nervous system remembers.

By Nataliya Popova
Mindly Different – Coaching for the beautifully different mind